Back in the Day

Once upon a time...I had these friends (well, I still have them) that taught me how to ski. 18 years ago. Those were good, good times. They taught me by taking me up to some scary runs and making me go down. But I learned and loved it. Then I went away to college. To the land of even more skiing but alas, I had no money for skiing. And then more time went by and I still had no money. And then I got married and Kenyon isn't really a skier (but knowing Kenyon he is probably REALLY good even though he hasn't ever learned). And then I had kids. And somehow skiing never fit in. Until...the brilliant minds at Park City Mountain figured out the StartNow program. $25. Total. That is rentals, the lesson, and the lift pass. Seriously! (That's for you Heather). Needless to say, the kids (T and E) love skiing. We couldn't convince Gavin to join us. Friday we skipped school (and still Gavin didn't want to come- go figure) and went up for a lesson. I was actually very nervous but it came back to me quickly. Too bad I had this grumpy old ski bum as an instructor. I wish I had someone with me so we could laugh a little more. Too bad money is still the issue or I guarantee you we would be hitting the slopes again tomorrow. It really is amazing to be up on the top of the beautiful mountains and the feeling coming down is perfect!

Choose Ye This Day

So did you know that I am a CONTROL FREAK?

Real shocker - I know.

I really like to know every detail. And it is kind of lame. I really do want to be a little more laid back about life and a little easier going but it is such a hard habit to break.

I am even worse when it comes to my kids and their lives. I really like to plan it all out. So this week I have been working on giving choices. In Love and Logic (are you sick of these posts yet?), they teach the importance of choices and giving control back to the kids. Yikes. See that is totally opposite of my style. But it makes so much sense.

The teacher asked us to think of a recent situation where we felt we were being bossed around or had no control. We hate it. Right? Imagine being my kid. They are bossed around all day long. No fun. I am grateful I have such good kids and they pretty much go along with me. But I am creating kids who don't know how to make choices for themselves and recognize the consequences attached with those choices.

So even from Quinn's age they can start making choices. You pick two choices - either one has to be a choice you are completely happy with. Do you want to wear boots or squeaky shoes? Do you want your purple coat or your blue coat? Do you want yogurt or bananas? You get it.

But for the older kids it gets even harder for me. I like to have this after school routine and I don't like to mess it up. But instead I was saying things like, "feel free to change your clothes first or have a snack first?" "would you like to play first or get your homework done first?" "would you rather get your reading down first or shower first?"

The result - is less battles. The kids feel like they have control in their life. And another result is that the price they pay for decisions today is a lot less then they will pay for their choices tomorrow. I would much rather have my kids not complete a homework assignment today and learn the lesson of procrastinating then wait until they are seniors and not be able to graduate.

Jim Fay (founder of Love and Logic) says, "The more control we give over things that DON'T matter, the more control we can have over the things that DO matter."

I have a long way to go in giving up some of the control. Give it a try.

"Quinn, you can either smile or cry for this picture in your cute new dress?"

PS - my neighbor even uses it on her husband - "would you like to do the dishes or sweep the floor?"

My Time is OVER!

How Sad! (a love and logic phrase - used often to show empathy). I have had the luxury (thanks to a good husband) of taking 2 classes over the past 8 weeks. I have been gone a lot. I took the Love and Logic parenting class and a gardening class. It was cool too and I hope by the end of summer that I have something to show for it. We'll see...


But I will definitely miss my parenting class the most. I love the class and the teacher. It was probably my favorite 2 hours of the week. To me - the principles and ideas taught in Love and Logic make sense. I just have to re-wire my brain to put them into action. It definitely takes a lot of practice. But it is so worth it. So if you want to take the class and you live in the area - it starts this Thursday night. You can register here. I highly recommend both parents taking it but that doesn't always work, I know.


The last class we talked about success at school. It was so interesting. I am lucky because I have kids who are so far doing very well. And we haven't yet hit any major battles regarding homework or school in general. But I learned some very interesting ideas. One of them is to focus on the things they get right. She called it the 10 Second Magic Trick. Have your child bring you a recent test or assignment. Pick one thing they got right. And say, "Wow. Look at that. I bet it feels good to get that right. How did you do that?" And wait for an answer. "Did you try something new?" "Did you work really hard?" Don't even mention or acknowledge that they got any other answers wrong (or maybe all the others wrong). She said she uses this technique on ANYTHING her kids do. For example - in soccer. "That goal you scored was great. I bet that you feel so good. How did you do that?" Rather than having the focus being on how we feel about their accomplishments we help them recognize the feelings they get with success. Then you help them recognize what THEY did to make it happen. It will help them to use that knowledge to repeat the success. (try it on chores, practicing, interacting with siblings, sports, hobbies, etc)

Every human is born with the natural instinct to learn. When we have that "aha" moment where we figure out something, that is the brain sending out a reward to the body for learning. We want our children to look for that rather than some external reward for learning. That feeling will keep them motivated to learn and succeed.


I have to admit that this concept is the very opposite of what I do. I expect so much from my kids that when they bring home their spelling tests with 90% correct, I immediately review the ones they got wrong and focus in out the mistakes. HOW RUDE! Who does that? That must be the worst feeling. I am happy that they got 90% but I often feel like they get lazy and fall short of doing their best. 


Anyway - give it at try! I am working on this. I have already caught myself and had to start over.

Do you ever wake up...

just knowing it is going to be a bad hair day?

Quinn slept in today and after the kids had left for school, Kenyon went in to get her. I heard him laughing and he brought out our own little Medusa. I knew right then it was going to be a tough day (but it is has been a tough day for a week now. I HATE teething. It makes for a very miserable toddler).

A New Do

Quinn's hair is getting long and I don't really know what to do with it. Girls hair has never been my thing. Probably why I have had the same dumb hair do for 15 years (yuck!). My friend Amy talked me into trying pig tails. It is such a process to get her to hold still long enough to do anything but it turned out pretty cute. Problem is it didn't last past a nap.

I have been busy. Kristine and I spent one day creating this quilt for our neice's crib. We are in love with it. It was a combination of ideas that we pulled from other quilters and it worked out perfect. Our sister, Jen, is expecting baby girl #5 very soon. We can't wait for her to arrive.

Ten Years Old

Teague Upon Thames - one lucky kid who got to live in London for 6 months of his life.

How does it happen that your oldest child turns 10? 

I know that is what everyone thinks as their babies grow up but it is still pretty crazy.

Teague LOVES his birthday. He has been thinking about this day and counting down for months.

Teague in his Tiger look for a Jungle themed birthday party.

His favorite look for a couple of years - yellow boots. Didn't matter the season or temperature - he wore yellow rubber boots.

With his cousin Jackson at the Women's NCAA volleyball tournament in Long Beach to watch Aunt Egan play.With his cousin Max - he claims that going to Fiji with Max was the best thing in his life. He would travel the world if we could. 

We love our Teague.

1 - His smile - especially when his dimple shows.

2 - His interest in everything. He asks a ton of questions (which sometimes bugs) but he likes to know all the answers.

3 - He is super smart (I know I am his mother - but it is true - and scary. He definitely takes after his Dad. He  hears it once and knows it.)

4 - Very musically gifted - has a great ear and perfect pitch. He is a great pianist.

5 - He wants to try everything - karate, soccer, skateboarding, snowboarding, guitar, swimming, chess club, acting - you name it).

6 - He is tender-hearted and sensitive to how others feel.

7 - A good friend.

8 - Loves Quinn (Elise? well maybe not so much right now but it will come)

9 - Always tries to do the right thing.

10 - He gives me good hugs at the perfect times.

PS - How do we celebrate 10 years? Well he could have had a friend party but he opted for the $$. Sorry friends. But what he really wanted was an IPOD touch so he has been saving his money and collecting his birthday money and last night he made the big purchase. And today he is taking his first ski lesson. Should be a good day.

Slow down, you move to fast...(with revisions and additions) :)

Quinn is killing me. Seriously. This toddler stage is not my favorite. We have lots of great moments. She was just giggling - and that is cute. And her kisses are hilarious. And her scrunchy nose is yummy. But really, destruction everywhere. I need to love these moments because I know they will pass quickly but at the moment I just really want to scream. She has spent a lot of time in time out. I know she is only 16 months old but we are trying to put a stop to some of the naughtiness. And it is naughty. She totally knows what she is doing and she also knows that we think she is the cutest thing to ever walk the earth. She also knows how to use this to her best advantage. As Teague said to my mom one day, "Grandma, don't think she is dumb. 'Cause she is smart." So true. Notice in the picture - her bib that she has discarded and used her shirt instead. Clearly, we are having a control battle. PS - I am in love with her new jeans. $8 at Target. But sad that she is growing out of all her clothes so fast. Slow down!

Because of this child, I enrolled my self in a Love and Logic parenting class. (OK - truth - I need it for all 4 of my kids). I LOVE IT!!!! I took it with Kenyon about 6 years ago and I have needed to retake for a while. It is an 8 week course. It is my favorite night of the week. The teacher is great and it is so empowering to fill like there are options to better parenting.
*Update - for Salt Lake locals - the Jordan School District offers these classes to parents every semester. Check online. I am sure some of the other districts offer them as well. Also, they have lots of books and some great CDs available. I am SURE your local library has them. Otherwise check here.

This week we are working on giving enforceable statements. That means telling the kids things you can enforce. For example, "I'd be happy to help you with that assignment when you have completed your chores." "Yes, you can have a cookie after you have had dinner." Basically it means turning everything you say into a positive with a condition of what you need to see happen. You won't force them to eat dinner. They can choose. That is what is so great about it. Kids get to have some control in their lives. And when they make poor choices, consequences are given with empathy. Love love love it!

*And yes to Alissa - it does work for our toddlers - although we have a lot of work to do around here. With the little ones it starts with giving a million choices a day. Do you want to wear blue shoes or red shoes, do you want water or milk, do you want to walk or be carried, do you want to read a book or do a puzzle? Dumb choices but it makes them feel like they are in charge of their life. Then the next part is to say "Uh-oh" when they have done something wrong and immediately remove them from the problem - sometimes to their crib if that is appropriate. And say, "we can play (or eat or whatever), when you are sweet (or pleasant etc)." Consistency. That is where I struggle.